The Quickest Year Ever

Today we celebrate the birthday of the little man so many of us prayed into existence.

Foster Isaac Beard is one.

ONE.

He has been in our lives for an entire year. It was seriously the quickest year ever.

This is the first moment I laid eyes on my boy.

This is the first time he was in my arms. 

less than an hour old 

I think about this little dude and how he has so totally changed our lives and I am a wreck. Yesterday morning, I woke up and felt so emotional (sure, it could be the fact that I haven't been sleeping too much and I am 6 months pregnant, but it was a sweet emotional). I opened up my computer to begin this blog and decided that I would look through photos from this week and then from the birth of my dear boy. As I was looking through the photos from the birth, I sat on the couch and wept. WEPT. The most GRATEFUL TEARS of JOY and THANKSGIVING I had to offer to my amazing Lord who would bless us with the gift of not just one child, but two. Dear God, You are GOOD.
I was thinking about all the people who prayed for us and with us as we journeyed through the process of thinking we would never have a biological child and was humbled. There were so many words of love and affirmation as we announced our pregnancy. We were showered and celebrated beyond belief. I have not enough words to thank those people.

And then I began thinking about all the people who have walked with us and Fos this last year. Reminiscing about meals brought to our house, all the people who have baby sat (which we have never had to pay for - Thank you to all of you who have wanted to spend time with our kid. Your time with him and love of him is incredibly humbling and appreciated beyond comprehension), all the helping hands, all of the grandparent trips to help, all the love poured out onto our son...and again, I wept. It does take a village and Andrew and I have an AMAZING village.

Thank you friends for joining us today to say Happy Birthday to our totally rad kid.

So, today we celebrate this little man.

Foster,
You, my dear, will never ever know the joy and love that you have brought into our family. I never knew that parents cheered so much for their kids until I actually jumped up and down the first time you held your head up for more than one second. I will never stop cheering for you. I watched you take your first steps this week. I screamed and clapped and squeezed the heck out of you (which you totally love and can't get enough of, incase you were wondering). We have watched you experience each new thing and try to be in the moment with you...experiencing with you, it is so fun to watch. You are just cool. You sit with your arm back or your foot up, chillin - no matter where you are (at the kitchen table, in your high chair, in your stroller, in a grocery cart). You only do things we need you to do when you realize their purpose. For example, you would never wear a hat or sunglasses until you sat in the sun without them for a minute, then put them on...now we have no problem getting you to wear them. You jump like a maniac. You drum on everything. Once you started putting everything in your mouth, the first thing you picked up that didn't go straight into your mouth was a set of drum sticks. You dance and dance, in our arms on the ground, it doesn't matter, if there is a beat, you are bouncing! You sing with us. You giggle like crazy and love to be tickled. You want to walk everywhere and climb on everything (even though you have only taken a few steps). You love dogs (now...you didn't at first) but they are all scared of you - you chase them. You are sad when other babies cry. You are funny. You mimic everything we do and that keeps us on our toes.
You hate sleeping at night, unless it is with me and your dad. You love every food we have given you - except lima beans (true story). You have a large head...like greater than the 98th percentile, but its all good, cause you have the cutest face. You have 6 teeth and curly blonde locks. You have the clearest blue eyes that everyone comments on EVERYWHERE we go.
You are precious. You are precious. We love you so much.

When I hold you while you sleep, I whisper into your ear about how much I love you and how much your daddy loves you and how much our Great God Loves You. We pray that you will know that God is Good. We pray that you know that following Him is worth anything you think you may be giving up.  We pray that you know that His plans for you are so much greater than the ones we make for ourselves. I pray that you are selfless, compassionate, kind, and a humble leader. I pray that you are an encouragement to those around you (like your daddy). I pray that you Love greatly. I pray that whatever you do, you find a way to glorify the Lord through it.

People say to us (probably at least once a week) something along the lines of "Don't blink, before you know it he will be 17 and won't be talking to you." Foster, we pray against that. We pray to cherish every moment with you and that you continue to love us and that you know that we love you and are always here for you, we understand, and we have walked through this life ahead of you. No matter what, we love you. we just really freaking love you.
Happy First Birthday Little Dude.

Love, Momma and Dadda

"Traveling Mercies"

Yes, I have made fun of this statement: "Traveling Mercies" as in the video "Shoot Christians Say" (if you have not watched this - you will think it is HILARIOUS, and should take a few minutes to do so) they make fun of people praying for traveling mercies.  I think it sounds silly...and I asked the Lord for forgiveness this week for making fun of it as I also asked Him for TRAVELING MERCIES! haha.

Yesterday (and all week) I packed up Foster and Andrew's brothers dropped us off at the airport at 7:20am. We had a 2 legged flight from Dallas-Houston then Houston-Panama City, where my dear friend Jacqueline (with her sweet 6 month old twins) were picking us up and then driving us the 45-50 minute route to Destin, where I currently am.
Our flight was at 8:30 and we were to land at 11:40.
My plan. Keep him awake first leg (one hour) by feeding him breakfast, let him sleep through the second leg.

A few details. My lap is shrinking. Foster wants to run around ALL the time. The last time we flew with him, one month ago, he didn't sleep at all and it was exhausting for me WITH ANDREW THERE!!

As you may have guessed flying with him alone was causing me so much anxiety, I was seriously asking every person to pray for this. I began to wonder what the heck I was thinking taking this trip. I told Jacqueline when I got here, "I cannot believe this is real, I seriously had convinced myself that I would believe that this trip was happening when I saw her face."

SO...I decided this traveling story was one for the blog, cause it is awesome.

They dropped us off at the airport and Thomas came in with me to help me check the two suitcases and car seat (we are traveling for 3 weeks). Thanks Thomas! The guy at the ticket counter said, "everything is on time now, but there is some weather coming in, so you may be delayed."
THANKS!!!!!!!!!! *note extreme sarcasm.
So I get through security, no problem. They are awesome with people traveling with Kids. We go to the gate and I watch as the storm rolls in and the sky opens up.
Fos wants to walk all over, so I think, "Yes, walk it out now!!" So I was the mom letting my kid crawl on the floor of the airport and then holding his hands as he tries to walk laps. BUT HE MADE FRIENDS by sitting in the "check the size of your carry on" and smiling at people...so that was fun.

He is just the right size for me to carry on.

We board the plane at 8:30 only like 15 minute delay! SWEET!
We get on the plane and get that front row with the leg room so Fos can stand on ground if need be. We snagged a window seat, the seat next to us empty, and a grandpa on the isle. YES!! As the plane boarded I gave him some of his food cause he was getting a bit fussy. As the plane began takeoff, he put his head on my shoulder, snuggled up and fell asleep. The sweet man next to us offered for me to lay him on the seat between us, which I did. This flight, in the air, had to be re-routed around the storms and our one hour first leg turned into two. AND FOSTER SLEPT THE ENTIRE TIME!
Which was great, except now we have a second leg that is 1hr. 40 min.

As the second leg was boarding a sweet girl gets on the plane with her mom (apparently they were making faces with Fos through the window as they were on the walkway). She says, "mom, I'm good to sit here. So this sweet 13 year old girl and her mom sit next to us. THANK YOU LORD! Then we get to talking. (This is like the first 10 minutes of the flight) They were on their way to Nationals for dance and mentioned that this is the first time they really have had to travel for dance. They said usually they are more local, like St. Louis or Branson. WHAT???
"Where are your from?"
"Kansas City"
"Me too! I just moved to Dallas two years ago from KC!"
"Really? Where in Kansas City?"
"We lived in Liberty for 5 1/2 years."
"We live in Liberty!"

This was during the flight. Lots of playing! 

SERIOUSLY! TRAVELING MERCIES!!
We knew some of the same people, had lots to talk about, and they let Fos crawl all over them! IT COULD NOT HAVE BEEN BETTER, and we even landed an hour after we were supposed to!

So, those of you who were praying...That is how the Lord showed me some serious traveling mercies yesterday.

PS. When I got to the airport, Jacqueline was there, inside, with the twins and we looked like crazy people with all my luggage and all our kids and it was amazing!

at the PCB airport. 

We had to stop on the way back to Destin to soothe a crying baby boy. ADVENTURES!

Thanks to everyone who was so thoughtful yesterday! 

Love you guys! 

A Little Love on Father's Day!

I dote on Andrew a lot, but it is for a good reason. I love him. He is a stud!

A year ago we were waiting for a little baby to be born. I had no idea how much fun I would have watching Andrew be a dad. He is such a caring and patient man and all that has been amplified on Foster.
He goes to work each day - gives his all, comes home - gives his all, and then does it again. That working balance has been tough I am sure, esp since I got pregnant, sick, and tired again. But I am so blessed to have a husband who takes such good care of us!

Andrew, when I am praying for Foster, I always pray that he learns to be a man like his daddy. I pray that he is a gentleman, that he is kind, that he loves the way you do, that he watches you love Jesus - (and pray that he knows how cool that is), I pray that he is encouraging like you and that he learns what a noble and humble man look like by watching you.
I think you are the coolest and best person I know.
Happy Father's Day, Love.
Thanks for choo choo choosing me.

Now, here are some of my favorite pics of you being a dad from this last year.

This is the moment Andrew Saw Fos. 

 

 

And to our dads, We love you so much! Yall are amazing too!!!

Our babies and our posts.

Hey friends, I have read peoples posts that are similar to this - but I just really want to offer my two cents (or whatever my thoughts may be worth). 

Obviously I am on Facebook and Twitter - and lots of other social media sites. Since I have had a child, I really consider my posts. You may notice that I don't post many pics of Foster and I don't actually post anything about him other than the good stuff. 
I have sat in on conference sessions about how moms form their child's on-line identity and the sort of issues that can cause as the child grows up and takes on an identity of their own. I have read plenty of other blogs and articles that talk about how much of our child we put on line and how we need to be careful. 
The thing that sticks out to me the most is how DAILY I see moms post negative things about the "effects" of their baby's behavior. 

"We didn't get "baby" to sleep at the right time, now baby is fussy and I'm tired."
"There goes another temper tantrum."
"Teething babies = Exhaustion." 

While none of these are extremely negative, they are all negative thoughts. We have spouses, moms, and/or friends who would be a much better sounding board for these thoughts rather than "everyone". When we allow thoughts of negativity to make their way through our fingers into the world, we are mostly looking for someone to say, "I know, right!?! I totally know what you are talking about!" and that most of this is innocent at its root...BUT..What I think we are really doing is complaining about the things we mostly have no control over and putting it out their in this space that our kids will most likely be able to see. I don't want Foster to look at post from his first year of life and think, "Wow, my mom was an exhausted, miserable mess throughout the my child hood. All I did was make her so tired frustrated that she had no choice but to complain to the world." Sure, he may never see anything I post, but a simple "google yourself" is going to pull up thousands of hits by the time he is 13 if all I do is blog/comment about him. 

The Word challenges/commands us to "14Do everything without grumbling or arguing" (Philippians 2) and I am fairly certain that parenting is not an exception to this. 
We have been entrusted to care for these kids and if we act like it is such a chore (EVEN IF IT'S NOT) it sends out the wrong message to the world. The last thing a new mom or expectant mom needs is to hear all the negatives. And yes, "she" is reading your posts and comments. 

Build each other up! Encourage one another! 

I just think that maybe we ought to be a little more careful about what we think may be appropriate for us to post. I have friends who post about their kids and they are joyful and hilarious and celebrate their children. I say we leave the commiserating to face-to-face community - where it can actually be talked about and dealt with! 

I should say, I have to fight this urge too. We are so used to just saying what we want and not considering that it has a consequence...esp if we are talking about a baby that can't read. It is really hard to see how that may be doing damage. And lets face it, exhaustion does bring out the desperation. Somehow, I think it does damage to us too if we are always putting out the negative emotion we have...who wants to be around Debbie Downer all the time anyway. 

For what it's worth. These are my thoughts. 

And here is a new pic of my little Dude. 

It's a battle

Well, Mothers Day has come and gone. It was my first official Mothers day...let's just say a year ago, there is no way I would have imagined a little buddy like Foster and being pregnant this year. geez.

The last few mothers days I have posted very openly about my feelings and emotions. This year, I let the day pass without much dialogue. But I feel like I can't really let this one pass.

So, Saturday I was sensitive to all the women who will mourn through Sunday. My heart ached a familiar ache and I fell asleep groaning with the Holy Spirit, to the God of Peace, to comfort these women. These strong, beautiful, women.

Sunday, Andrew woke up early and took Foster to church with him early - this gave me time to shower and paint my toes. (which was a rare Sunday morning treat). I went to church and received lots of love through words from friends and Andrew and Foster. I heard a lot of "Happy Mothers' Day". It was sweet and I received the freedom to celebrate.

Instead of letting Fos stay in the nursery, I snagged him out and cuddled him on my lap while my pastor, Paul, spoke to the Men about their treatment of women being the "benchmark" of how everyone else in your home will treat her. Foster slept on my lap and Andrew and I held hands, and the baby in my belly kicked and moved. I teared up several times for four reasons.

1. I am incredibly grateful that the Lord has allowed me to take to the task of being a mom. I love my babies.
2. I am too familiar with the sadness that comes on a day where everyone is celebrating something that you think you may not ever be able to "naturally" be.
3. In the midst of pain and hurt, the Lord makes beautiful things.
I think God is taking my generation to task on fostering and adoption, and I got excited about all the kids that will have loving homes and the people who will love GREATLY...and I cry.
4. I'm pregnant, so I cry.

Andrew spent the day spoiling me. I didn't change one poopy diaper, we got carry out from Cheese Cake Factory and had a picnic, he got sitters (The Werms) and we got to go see a movie, and then we ended the day with dear friends.

My heart remains heavy for those women who long so badly to be a mom, but I do feel freedom to rejoice in the Lord for his blessings - Foster is awesome. He is a little dude that warms my heart with every expression he makes, every noise he makes, and each new experience he has. I cannot wait to meet this new little bundle.

Thanks for letting me share.

God Parents

I am not sure that I had ever considered naming anyone my kid's Godparent before I had Foster. I am not sure that Andrew has ever thought about it either- what boy really thinks about that kinds of stuff anyway. Anyway...now that we have a kid, we have been thinking about what the role of a Godparent is and who we would want to name Foster's Godparent/s.

There are 2 different levels of Godparents - traditionally from what we researched.

The first is the most traditional. Godparents take the role of spiritual role models and life shapers for your baby. They are around and are expected to be at the "big things" in the life of the child.

The second is when the Godparents take the role of of spiritual role model as well as being the person the child is named to if something were to happen to the parents.

We decided that the first kind...the spiritual role models and life shaper was something that we would love for Foster to have.

Now, to name those people. This is a big responsibility. We wanted someone/people who had similar theology and beliefs as us, so that when faced with a big deal, Foster would not hear conflicting sides. We wanted someone who we would be proud for Foster to grow up and be like. We wanted it to be someone who knows us and could speak honestly and confidently on our behalf. We wanted someone who wanted to be a part of his life and who loved him...and someone whom he loves.

Y'all, it was a tough decision. We thought and thought and have lots of friends who are wonderful and will have meaningful relationships with Foster, for sure. But there was one couple who I just DELIGHTED in seeing Foster with.


I knew I wanted to name his Godparents when we were all sitting in a room in their house. Foster and I were on the floor. Werm was playing piano, Andrew was playing guitar and we were all singing a song...then on the instrumental break, Allyson did a spoken word. I got choked up thinking about Foster being raised in such an environment. A place of artistic expression, filled with music and love and all as a form of worship to our Amazing God.

Allyson speaks about Fos like I speak about my nephews. She uses words like, "I just love him so much". She shows people pics and videos of him like he is her own. Also, they match a lot!


This week Allyson was in KC and she was able to facetime with Fos. He was as excited as she was!

When Werm and Allyson walk into a room, Foster Lights up! He is so excited to see them and he knows he is about to get to play hard! The best for us is when we walk into a room with Foster, Allyson and Werm light up! 

Y'all, they LOVE each other.
It is funny because Andrew and I played a big role in the shaping of them spiritually, and as a married couple - so, of course, we trust them and would be so proud if Foster grew up to be like either one of them.

So, this is our announcement that Foster has Godparents. 

Allyson and Werm (Andrew) Wermelskirchen. 

We love you guys so much, welcome to the family! 

Small Space Living: for 4

It has been a while since I have done a post on small space living...lets face it, its been a while since I have posted in general.

I have had this post in mind for a few days and then my friend, Holly, posted this blog today. It's baby must have and don't needs - esp. for small space living.  It spurred me on to write a bit.
I agree with Holly 100%. So, since she did all the work for me, I will just let you read her post on that subject.
This is the first "Small Space Living" post I did. It explains our house and situation - all remains the same and this is one of my post on maximizing storage spaces.

I feel like I need to say that I understand that this kind of living is not for everyone. At least it's not preferable for everyone.  You will definitely have an opinion on how we live, and honestly, I'm not interested. This has been a tremendous learning experience - esp. for me - and I know that the Lord is still forming and teaching me.  Im, honestly, not actually sure if we ended up in this situation by choice or necessity. But now, I can say, it would definitely be our choice.

Earlier this year I read the Book "7" by Jen Hatmaker. I strongly suggest this book. Its about an "experimental mutiny against excess" and I found myself feeling convicted about all I have...this was so hard for me because I would have told you that I didn't live in excess. But, this is just not true. It was a serious wakeup call to know how much I was attached to the stuff I did have. Yuck. I found myself jealous of everything...my friends new cars, new houses/apartments, many rooms, dishwashers...fill in the blank and I was coveting it! The Lord has been working and molding my heart on this and it hard and hard to admit, but we are in a good place and I am not finished learning to detach myself from this "American Dream".
So, for this reason, we are getting ready to sign a one year lease to continue our situation. Yes. that will be four people in a one bedroom apartment. And yes, I am smiling, near laughter as I write that. It seems crazy - But hey, it's all we need.

I will post up some of the new layout soon. I will not leave you without a pic of the kid. Here you go.

Yeah, he wears green pants.

momma and baby