Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Our babies and our posts.

Hey friends, I have read peoples posts that are similar to this - but I just really want to offer my two cents (or whatever my thoughts may be worth). 

Obviously I am on Facebook and Twitter - and lots of other social media sites. Since I have had a child, I really consider my posts. You may notice that I don't post many pics of Foster and I don't actually post anything about him other than the good stuff. 
I have sat in on conference sessions about how moms form their child's on-line identity and the sort of issues that can cause as the child grows up and takes on an identity of their own. I have read plenty of other blogs and articles that talk about how much of our child we put on line and how we need to be careful. 
The thing that sticks out to me the most is how DAILY I see moms post negative things about the "effects" of their baby's behavior. 

"We didn't get "baby" to sleep at the right time, now baby is fussy and I'm tired."
"There goes another temper tantrum."
"Teething babies = Exhaustion." 

While none of these are extremely negative, they are all negative thoughts. We have spouses, moms, and/or friends who would be a much better sounding board for these thoughts rather than "everyone". When we allow thoughts of negativity to make their way through our fingers into the world, we are mostly looking for someone to say, "I know, right!?! I totally know what you are talking about!" and that most of this is innocent at its root...BUT..What I think we are really doing is complaining about the things we mostly have no control over and putting it out their in this space that our kids will most likely be able to see. I don't want Foster to look at post from his first year of life and think, "Wow, my mom was an exhausted, miserable mess throughout the my child hood. All I did was make her so tired frustrated that she had no choice but to complain to the world." Sure, he may never see anything I post, but a simple "google yourself" is going to pull up thousands of hits by the time he is 13 if all I do is blog/comment about him. 

The Word challenges/commands us to "14Do everything without grumbling or arguing" (Philippians 2) and I am fairly certain that parenting is not an exception to this. 
We have been entrusted to care for these kids and if we act like it is such a chore (EVEN IF IT'S NOT) it sends out the wrong message to the world. The last thing a new mom or expectant mom needs is to hear all the negatives. And yes, "she" is reading your posts and comments. 

Build each other up! Encourage one another! 

I just think that maybe we ought to be a little more careful about what we think may be appropriate for us to post. I have friends who post about their kids and they are joyful and hilarious and celebrate their children. I say we leave the commiserating to face-to-face community - where it can actually be talked about and dealt with! 

I should say, I have to fight this urge too. We are so used to just saying what we want and not considering that it has a consequence...esp if we are talking about a baby that can't read. It is really hard to see how that may be doing damage. And lets face it, exhaustion does bring out the desperation. Somehow, I think it does damage to us too if we are always putting out the negative emotion we have...who wants to be around Debbie Downer all the time anyway. 

For what it's worth. These are my thoughts. 

And here is a new pic of my little Dude. 

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

It's a battle

Well, Mothers Day has come and gone. It was my first official Mothers day...let's just say a year ago, there is no way I would have imagined a little buddy like Foster and being pregnant this year. geez.

The last few mothers days I have posted very openly about my feelings and emotions. This year, I let the day pass without much dialogue. But I feel like I can't really let this one pass.

So, Saturday I was sensitive to all the women who will mourn through Sunday. My heart ached a familiar ache and I fell asleep groaning with the Holy Spirit, to the God of Peace, to comfort these women. These strong, beautiful, women.

Sunday, Andrew woke up early and took Foster to church with him early - this gave me time to shower and paint my toes. (which was a rare Sunday morning treat). I went to church and received lots of love through words from friends and Andrew and Foster. I heard a lot of "Happy Mothers' Day". It was sweet and I received the freedom to celebrate.

Instead of letting Fos stay in the nursery, I snagged him out and cuddled him on my lap while my pastor, Paul, spoke to the Men about their treatment of women being the "benchmark" of how everyone else in your home will treat her. Foster slept on my lap and Andrew and I held hands, and the baby in my belly kicked and moved. I teared up several times for four reasons.

1. I am incredibly grateful that the Lord has allowed me to take to the task of being a mom. I love my babies.
2. I am too familiar with the sadness that comes on a day where everyone is celebrating something that you think you may not ever be able to "naturally" be.
3. In the midst of pain and hurt, the Lord makes beautiful things.
I think God is taking my generation to task on fostering and adoption, and I got excited about all the kids that will have loving homes and the people who will love GREATLY...and I cry.
4. I'm pregnant, so I cry.

Andrew spent the day spoiling me. I didn't change one poopy diaper, we got carry out from Cheese Cake Factory and had a picnic, he got sitters (The Werms) and we got to go see a movie, and then we ended the day with dear friends.

My heart remains heavy for those women who long so badly to be a mom, but I do feel freedom to rejoice in the Lord for his blessings - Foster is awesome. He is a little dude that warms my heart with every expression he makes, every noise he makes, and each new experience he has. I cannot wait to meet this new little bundle.

Thanks for letting me share.