Tuesday, May 14, 2013

It's a battle

Well, Mothers Day has come and gone. It was my first official Mothers day...let's just say a year ago, there is no way I would have imagined a little buddy like Foster and being pregnant this year. geez.

The last few mothers days I have posted very openly about my feelings and emotions. This year, I let the day pass without much dialogue. But I feel like I can't really let this one pass.

So, Saturday I was sensitive to all the women who will mourn through Sunday. My heart ached a familiar ache and I fell asleep groaning with the Holy Spirit, to the God of Peace, to comfort these women. These strong, beautiful, women.

Sunday, Andrew woke up early and took Foster to church with him early - this gave me time to shower and paint my toes. (which was a rare Sunday morning treat). I went to church and received lots of love through words from friends and Andrew and Foster. I heard a lot of "Happy Mothers' Day". It was sweet and I received the freedom to celebrate.

Instead of letting Fos stay in the nursery, I snagged him out and cuddled him on my lap while my pastor, Paul, spoke to the Men about their treatment of women being the "benchmark" of how everyone else in your home will treat her. Foster slept on my lap and Andrew and I held hands, and the baby in my belly kicked and moved. I teared up several times for four reasons.

1. I am incredibly grateful that the Lord has allowed me to take to the task of being a mom. I love my babies.
2. I am too familiar with the sadness that comes on a day where everyone is celebrating something that you think you may not ever be able to "naturally" be.
3. In the midst of pain and hurt, the Lord makes beautiful things.
I think God is taking my generation to task on fostering and adoption, and I got excited about all the kids that will have loving homes and the people who will love GREATLY...and I cry.
4. I'm pregnant, so I cry.

Andrew spent the day spoiling me. I didn't change one poopy diaper, we got carry out from Cheese Cake Factory and had a picnic, he got sitters (The Werms) and we got to go see a movie, and then we ended the day with dear friends.

My heart remains heavy for those women who long so badly to be a mom, but I do feel freedom to rejoice in the Lord for his blessings - Foster is awesome. He is a little dude that warms my heart with every expression he makes, every noise he makes, and each new experience he has. I cannot wait to meet this new little bundle.

Thanks for letting me share.

1 comment:

Elsie Larson said...

This is so beautiful! SO so so happy for you!!!