Friday, January 28, 2011


On Wednesday night I had a long conversation with a friend about marriage. As I went to bed that night, I kept replaying different pieces of our talk. I will say over and over again, "I am no marriage expert" but I know that Andrew and I are doing something right.
I felt like for the first time, while I was sharing with a friend, I figured out something that I knew, but had never been able to put into words quite right.
The thing I said was this. "Intention is everything."
My friend immediately looked like I was crazy and followed with a line like "intention, never carried out is nothing."
Then I asked my friend to hear me out and this is what I want to say now.
In life, as followers of Christ, it is our job to honor one another, esteem one another BETTER than ourselves (romans 12:10), to build one another up (1 Thess 5:11) , MUTUAL EDIFICATION (Romans 14:19). When we get married and say our vows, we say that we will "HONOR and CHERISH" each other. This is important in all of our relationships and this includes our marriage is our job to do these things.
Andrew and I know, 100%, that we intend to honor each other with our word and actions.
It is never our intention to do or say anything that does not honor or cherish each other. Our promise is to mutually, MUTUALLY, edify one another.
This is my example of how this works and what I see on TV, which is way too close to real life.

I just found out that Andrew doesn't love pancakes. He doesn't dislike them, but he would rather eat something else for breakfast. Somewhere along the line I got the idea that he really liked them, so occasionally on Fridays or holidays that we don't have to go into the office, I will get out of bed a little early and surprise Andrew with a pancake breakfast.
(This is where intention comes in)
Andrew wakes up and walks out, smells the pancakes and stands in the living room looking at me with fresh morning eyes and a smile and says, "Oh, you didn't have to make love me."
This is where he understood that my intention is to serve, love and bless him with a breakfast that I was cooking for my Beloved husband.
If he didn't know my intention, his response may have been..."Oh, you made yourself breakfast...good morning (He reaches into the fridge and pulls out eggs)."
Or "Did you know that I don't really care for pancakes, after 5 years of marriage you should have known that."
These responses would not make me feel very good.
You may be saying, "BUT HE DOESN'T LIKE PANCAKES!"
And you are right, sort-of, I mean he doesn't dislike them, he just doesn't choose them...anyway. To that I say this; when I found this news out I asked him why he didn't say anything and he said..."I knew that you were making breakfast to show me you love me." To him, the food didn't matter as much as the action...and his response mattered more than the food too.

If we can truly know that we are in the mode of intending to bless, honor, encourage and build each other up with our words, actions and body language then the results of your relationship will be much more like God intended.

I have more to say, but I have more posts to I will end today's post with one question;
What are your intentions?

1 comment:

meli said...

My intentions are to love God every day of my life and to have actions that show that love in every part of my life.

Thank you for having a marriage that speaks so highly of your commitment to love God and love each other!